Have You Ever Seen the Rain?
by Seeress
Summary: He used to love the rain.... but now it always brought back painful memories. As his mind and feet lead him to nowhere, Goku finds he isn’t the only one reminiscing on a rainy night…[slight SanzoxGoku angst fluff]


**Have You Ever Seen the Rain?**

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Saiyuki in any way, shape or form. The characters belong to their respective owner(s). Also, the song "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" belongs to whichever higher powers possess it. I'm borrowing everything.

_Summary:_ He used to love the rain.... but now it always brought back painful memories. As his mind and feet lead him to nowhere, Goku finds he isn't the only one reminiscing on a rainy night…slight SanzoxGoku; angst fluff

_Author's Notes_: I'm back!!! Lol, sounds like a movie line to me. And I know it is D! But anyways… this, as you can probably guess, is my newfound love. SAIYUKI! How wonderful it is. I've had writers' block for the longest time, so this was a good way for me to get going. I have a few more ideas planned out, but haven't had to drive for it. So I made myself write this, and I hope it turned out ok. I was debating whether or not to make it a lemon, but then I decided that the thought of Goku and Sanzo together disturbed me. LOL. I know, then why am I writing this? It works… they're not exactly together, together… but anyhow, I hope my writing has gotten somewhat better in my absence, and that you will not completely detest this little brainchild of mine. I tried to keep them in character, but… they might seem a little weird. Gomen nasai!

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_Have You Ever Seen the Rain?_

He used to relish the rain.

Being able to hear it, if not even see it, was an improvement from that cavernous prison. No sunshine, no wind, no rain upon his face… it was almost enough to drive a person insane. The first time he had seen droplets of water fall out of the sky… he thought he must've been dreaming. Were the Gods crying? Was it possible for divine entities to weep? Sanzo had merely scoffed at him then, as often before, and had told him to shut up and stop being so naïve. But it hadn't been his fault that he had been trapped there, all alone…

Who would ever want to be alone?

**Someone told me long ago, there's a calm before the storm.**

****

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The dark drops of rain fell ominously from the lightless sky, heavily landing on the arid ground and soaking it with moisture. They had stopped at another inn for the night, needing food and rest. Alone save for his thoughts, he sat limply on the balcony railing, legs dangling over the edge and water falling lightly on his face. From inside, a sliver of light shone through a crack of the unclosed door and illuminated the small space in front of him. Gojyo was off drinking again, and he wasn't allowed in the bar… Hakkai had left earlier in the evening and locked himself up in his room, saying he wanted to read. And Sanzo… well, who knew where the heck it was that man went. Sighing, Goku closed his eyes and let his thoughts wash over him.

Thinking of Sanzo proved disastrous, since his thoughts, once there, had refused to leave. He recalled another time not long ago when it had also been raining… but the rain had been tinged with the red of blood.

Sanzo's blood.

His eyes snapped open as the painful memory seared through him. It wasn't something that he chose to think about, but invariably his thoughts would lead him back every time. Especially when it rained… oh god how he hated the rain now. He supposed he wasn't the only one; Hakkai always seemed sadder and withdrawn on rainy days, and Sanzo was even more in his own world than usual. It had always fascinated him before, how it would seem like the sky was shedding tears.

But nothing ever went right on a rainy day. Instinctively, he became frightened. Before he even knew what he was doing, he was off and searching for Sanzo.

****

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He walked by obliviously as the rain continued to fall down, matting his golden hair to his head and sticking his robes firmly onto his body. His hands had become numb a long time ago, and every inch of his body screamed for something to warm up. He refused to care; he had never cared.

Not so strangely, he had managed to wander into the abutting clump of trees nearest the inn. He didn't know if he was expecting to find anything there, or if he was merely going insane. Either way, it barely mattered. Dimly, in a corner of his mind, he supposed it was stupid to be out at all. But they all knew better than to come looking for him, and in the morning, he'd somehow make it back.

All the moments of his life, held in these droplets of water.

The bear, Shuuei… the ground was still wet in the morning, when those monsters had come…

Standing stock still, without even thinking or feeling, a warm trail of tears poured down his cheeks.

****

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It had taken him a while to track down Sanzo because of the rain, making it near impossible for him to detect his scent. Still, once he'd caught the first whiff he was on it like a hawk. It was a bit of a surprise to him to find the priest standing still in a clearing, seemingly not doing anything but getting drenched in the rain. Sanzo's eyes seemed lifeless, dull… as if they were looking at something a million miles, or perhaps years, away. Approaching cautiously, Goku tentatively called out his name.

"Sanzo?" His whisper was whisked away with the water. "Sanzo, can you hear me?"

Blank violet eyes turned to stare at him, but through that apathetic gaze, he could feel the immense sorrow. "You shouldn't be out here. You're not fully recovered yet…" He winced as he said the words, but he'd stopped avoiding the truth a while ago.

At his words, Sanzo seemed to come back to himself a little, but not nearly enough. "Goku…"

The way his name was said, a like half-whispered curse, made him want to scream.

"Sanzo, let's go back to the inn. It's getting late… and you'll catch a cold standing out here."

Sanzo stiffly complied, although Goku doubted how much he had heard. He had never seen Sanzo like this before... and it frightened him more than anything else ever could. Sanzo was always saving him… helping him… always there, always strong. The sight of him as close to broken as he had ever seen was like a nightmare come true.

**When it's over, so they say, it'll rain a sunny day.**

He tried to make it back to the inn as quickly as possible, and then ushered Sanzo off to get changed, stuffing some dry clothes in his hands. When he came back he seemed much more himself, and much more aware of his surroundings than the dreamlike state he was in before. He took a look at Goku, still wet and shivering from the cold, and said curtly, "You should get out of those before you get sick and become a burden."

Disbelieving, the young youkai was indignant. "Hey, I went out there and brought you back here! Otherwise you'd still be freezing your ass off and sick as hell by now!!!"

Sanzo's voice was deadly cold and quiet. "I never asked you to come looking for me."

That sent Goku over the edge. "Well then, I'm sorry I cared!! I get myself soaked to bring you back here and all I get are accusations? You're welcome, by the way!" His voice was steadily rising, his face becoming heated in the argument. "I can't even feel my fingers right now because of you! I wish I had left you there. You could've reopened your wound and everything!" He deflated at that last sentence, his guilt coming back to haunt him. He looked down at the ground, ashamed and angry. Why was Sanzo always like this?

He barely felt the ice-cold fingers on his chin, his face being as numb as it was. He barely registered his face being tilted upwards slightly until his eyes met those of Sanzo, drooping and sad. But he certainly felt the soft pressure of Sanzo's warm lips against his, spreading heat throughout his body faster than he ever thought possible. Flustered but not wanting to withdraw, he let Sanzo terminate the kiss on his own terms. He was terribly dazed and confused when the priest finally did draw away.

"It's been a long day. Get changed and get some sleep." This time his voice was tired, worn out… but more caring than it had ever been before. There were a million questions racing through Goku's head, all the things he wanted to ask, wanted to say, wanted answers to… he open and shut his mouth before grabbing some dry clothes to change. He left for the bathroom, and by the time he was back, Sanzo was already asleep. And the rain had stopped.

**I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?**

****

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He woke up with his head feeling heavy and his face burning. He also felt incredibly weary and couldn't breathe. Opening his eyes, he found that Sanzo was sitting over him, placing a cool cloth on his forehead.

"I told you you'd get sick," he said reproachfully, but not unkindly. Goku only had enough energy to stick his tongue out at his saviour. It only earned a roll of the eyes from Sanzo.

"And you wonder why we treat you like a child…"

"Shut up."

"Look's like we're going to have to stay for a bit longer. At least until your fever goes down, anyways." He got up to leave, and Goku suddenly panicked.

"Wait, where're you going!?"

Casting his eyes back, Sanzo replied, "To get you some food. I'm surprised you aren't starving by now."

"Oh." As if to reply, his stomach growled. "That'd be… nice." Sanzo sighed in exasperation before leaving the room.

**I want to know, have you ever seen the rain**

---

They never once discussed what happened between them that night. Sometimes he wondered if he had dreamed it. After his brief uncharacteristic kindness while Goku was sick, Sanzo resumed his usual irritable behaviour, and Goku was more than enthusiastic to resume his jibes at Gojyo. Things were uncomplicated that way. No one else knew what had happened, and the secret bearers seemed content to keep it that way.

On the day they were to finally leave that fateful inn, Goku had been the last to bound out of the place, arms laden with food. As he had come running down the steps, with Gojyo threatening to drive away without him and Hakkai trying to pacify Gojyo, Sanzo had sat placidly in the passenger's seat with his arms crossed and eyes closed. At that instant, where he seemed so at peace with the sun shining over him and lighting up his features, Goku thought that he looked almost ethereal and astoundingly beautiful. The feeling had only lasted a moment and passed away before he could make sense of it, and he jumped into the back of the Jeep without thinking.

When he was comfortably seated, he was flabbergasted when Hakkai turned around to give him a small, knowing smile before driving off. And he swore he could hear, as the day wore on, quietly whispered words that were directed at him.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

**Comin' down on a sunny day?**

**Owari**

A.N.: Yay, done! So pointless and bad, but oh well. I haven't written in a while, so this is a good warm-up. I hope it wasn't that awful! And as always, please review.


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